TLL Adult Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven
Hot:
Seven Minutes in Heaven, courtesy of GoodVibes, starts out with a little intro thing with each of the seven cast members which is interesting. The intros showed many people kind of nervous, jittery and chattering, but some people simply excited to get down to business. It’s an all amateur cast, and for some this is their first porn film. Some – I was surprised – experienced their first queer encounters on this film. Also, this movie, Seven Minutes in Heaven, is the first queer gonzo-style porn ever, which means it’s all sex and no plot, and endeavors to put the viewer in the scene (that’s what “Gonzo” refers to). The movie is unscripted, the performers chose who they would have sex with, and what they wanted to do – the way real life sex should be. It’s very obvious that each person had their particular preferences, for example, Tina Horn really likes to spank people and so she does, all over the place. Even if spanking isn’t your thing, it’s her thing and because she loves it so much, it becomes all the more erotic to watch her lose herself in it. This porn is exactly the opposite of pretty much everything in existence. It’s queer, it’s messy, it’s unscripted, the performers don’t seem focused on doing what will look good on film, but instead, are focused on what feels good for them. It’s fantastic.
I was so excited about this film before watching it. Just from looking at the cover. Everyone on the cover is hot to me. They’re queer looking. They’re hip, they’re nerdy, they’re funky, they’re diverse. Racially, they’re only black and white, and while body types are varied as well, I do wish there was a larger gal in there, someone I really identified with, though Jae is quite voluptuous, so I really am not complaining. I feel the cast is as varied and interesting as a seven actor cast can be, with respect to the many identities and desires of each person, including race, sexual orientation, gender identity, top, bottom, etc. After watching it now twice three times, I can say that I really and truly loved it. I will watch it again and again, though probably will skip through the random interludes of people talking between sex scenes, and go right to some of my favorite scenes. I don’t like all the talking between sex scenes, and wish that had been saved as bonus material. I also don’t like that we never get to see Carson orgasm (THIS IS A CRIME). I love everything else without fail. I love the diversity of the actors in what they like to do and have done to them, I love the chemistry, I love the sex toys, I love the setting, I love the laughter, I love the interplay of personalities and desires. I love Seven Minutes in Heaven. Now, let me tell you why. The review is very photo-heavy with screen caps of the hawt action.
First… view the trailer! It’s worth it (click the word ‘trailer’). There is no better way to show the hotness than to actually take a peek. The trailer does, sadly, leave out all of the best moments, but gives you a hint of what you’re in for. Want more info? Read on.
Interlude/Intro – Spin The Bottle
The film starts with Carson and Puck kissing. Carson’s the hot-as-sin pixie-faced dykey girl and Puck is a transman (or at least extremely butch, but I’m going to default to calling him “he” because in the film they reference fucking “girls and boys” and he’s the only one who seems like a boy). What a way to start off! We soon see that they’re playing spin-the-bottle with jimmyjane’s spin the bottle game! When I saw that, I got the feeling that sex toys were going to play pretty prominently in this film. And I was right, you’ll hear more about that later as I play Where’s Waldo with sex toys in this movie.
Scene One – “Where should I begin?” with Sarah Lee Sinful & Tina Horn
Tina starts out spanking Sarah’s ass, which I’m not often fond of in porn, but somehow Tina’s enthusiasm and Sarah’s delicious booty-shaking hip gyrations make this a good time. Then Sarah gives Tina a really delicious and lesbionically inspired lap-dance. I’d like one, just like that, seriously. Then they switch, and Tina’s up and moving about and in a fine example of her strong, sensual hotness, she strokes Sarah’s thighs and breathes, “Where… do I… begin?” Her sure movements are a nice counterpoint to Sarah’s inexperience and aimless desire. Sarah wants, but she doesn’t know what she wants, and Tina makes her an offer – to finger-fuck her with black latex gloves – that takes Sarah’s breath away.
The filming here is really nice, offering nice views of both performers. I love that there’s natural humor and laughter between the actors. I really like that in porn, as in real life sex. The dialogue is really hot here, too. Tina Horn is really good at dirty talk. Really good. I love when she tells Sarah to come, demands that she come… yeah. It’s good.
As a side note, they’ve draped something beneath Sarah that I think is a Leopard print Liberator Throe? Maybe not. But I think so. And it makes me happy.
Interlude – Spin the bottle
There’s… more spin the bottle. Okay. Why? I don’t know. I’m not gonna complain, but this spin the bottle is less hot than the first spin the bottle for the simple reason that we’ve already seen some sex and we really just wanna see more sex. And by we, I me me. And there’s only one spin of the bottle, then everyone starts making out randomly with a music track over the top that I find a little confusing and slightly distracting. I’m not going to talk about any more interludes, but just know there is one between every damn scene. They’re all really cute, giggly, funny, charming and pertinent, but I wish it had all been put in special features to watch later on, after my sex craze is sated.
Scene Two – Silent Finger Fucking with Jae and Joline
There is no dialogue here. I find this… strange. I don’t know why. Additionally, the music track has random bird chirping which really confused me at first. I usually like music in porn, especially funky music, but this doesn’t do it for me. This is not my favorite scene, it’s too slow or something. I don’t feel like there’s passion or lust between the actors, and the lack of communication feels a little awkward. The sex act they get to is… finger fucking with a black glove.
That said, they’re fucking on a really awesome piece of furniture. It’s like a large leather stool or table with leather loop straps on the sides, for feet or something? I don’t know. I want to know. The fact that I come away from the scene more interested in the furniture is not so good. By the way, Joline stimulates her clit while Jae finger fucks her, but I cannot identify the sex toy she is using. I think she has it covered in a glove. That is cheating. I’ll make an educated guess, though: LELO Mia (or Lily). Next!
Interlude – Smoke Break
I know I promised not to talk about more interludes, but… THIS IS A HORRIBLE PLACE FOR A PAUSE. Well. Granted, I wasn’t too worked up from Silent Finger Fucking, but if I was, this would have killed my metaphorical boner. Do not appreciate. It reminded me strongly of that awkward moment after sex with a new partner and you discover she smokes after sex, but you’re still living in the dorm, so you gotta throw something on and go sit on the steps and smoke with her while you still smell like sex… yeah. It’s just like that. Only less walk of shamey.
The only good thing that comes of this is that Carson offers to teach Puck how to suck cock. YES. PLEASE. OHGOD.
Scene Three – “I’ll shove it down your throat,” with Carson & Puck
Puck arranges his cocks. Carson announces that she’ll show him on her cock, “It’s a little big, but I think you’ll manage.” Everything that comes out of Carson’s mouth is utterly erotic. The words go right into your pants, I swear to god, this girl is is made of orgasms. She reminds me of the stereotypical cool femmey-butchy androgyn dyke with great hair, the kind you crush on in your Queer Globalism class… till you realize she’s taken, and her girlfriend is a glamazon. Not like that’s happened or anything.
Carson straps on her cock. Her harness is the black Jaguar. Rawr. Puck does the same. I think the cock is the Outlaw and I’m almost certain the harness is the Commando over another harness which simply covers his female genitals. Carson has a crop. Puck kneels at her feet. Carson whacks Puck lightly with the crop, bends down, and they kiss. Puck kisses Carson’s belly. Carson says, “Stick your tongue out, and put it on my cock.” Puck asks, “Like that?” She instructs him verbally as to how to proceed, what to do with his mouth, his lips. It’s hot. The expressions on his face are hot, the way he looks up at her is hot.
I love when Puck looks up at Carson and asks, “Am I doing good?” his eyes so hopeful, so eager, and Carson replies coolly, “You’re doing alright. But you missed this side.” And so he goes to get that side. Puck can do no wrong. Carson is made of sex. I love this scene.
Interlude – Putting a Dildo in a Strapon Harness and Giggling with Sophia and Jae
WHY WOULD A LOVING GOD ALLOW AN INTERRUPTION RIGHT HERE? RIGHT. FUCKING. HERE. Right after all that cock-sucking, deep-throating deliciousness, there’s an interlude. I know, I know. I said I’d stop talking about the interludes, but… this one killed all the buildup from the last scene. Sophia gets help putting a cock in her harness, and proceeds to do the strap-on-cock-dance. Don’t look at me like that. You know you’ve done it too.
Scene Four – “Rub it on my tits,” with Sophia and Tina
Sophia is adjusting the harness in question, in front of a mirror. It’s pink, I’m not sure what it is, maybe something by Tantus, and I can’t guess at the harness, either. It’s an odd one, the O-ring part of it is throwing me off. Whatever, let’s move on.
So, Tina and Sophia are making out on a bed. Sophia’s cock is out, and she’s stroking it. Tina’s wearing shorts, underneath which there is her strap-on cock (I don’t know what hers is, either). The shorts come off. Sophia lays back, and Tina and Sophia both jerk their cocks off, looking at each other, and both of them are enjoying it. I am enjoying that they are enjoying it, because this sort of act is one of those things I think about doing sometimes, and it’s an erotic image that makes no logical sense. It shouldn’t do anything for you, but it does. It’s all the visual, the head space you get to when you’re jerking off your cock in front of another woman who’s jerking hers off. It’s really freaking hot.
After some mutual masturbation, dildo style, Sophia takes her cock off and uses the Gigi in blue on herself! With a condom over it, score for safe toy sharing!
Scene Five – Bathroom Spanking with Carson and Joline
They’re in the bathroom. I like the music here, it’s edgy and mostly beat, which matches the spanking and slapping theme of the scene. Joline’s face, as she’s getting spanked, is almost serene. I like watching people who crave to be spanked get what they want. I don’t want to see someone be punished, who tries to escape. Joline looks as though this is the very thing she needed most in the world. And then Carson peels her white lace panties down, Joline steps out of them, and Carson dons black latex gloves and fingers Joline.
I’ve got to say, as much as I love Carson, as hot as she is, as skilled as she is, she never changes expressions. I should be worried or something, concerned that she’s maybe a serial killer, but… she’s so hot. Anyways…
The action has moved to the tub, Joline’s panties are in her mouth as a gag, AND THEN CARSON IS USING THE LELO IRIS ON JOLINE.
The random panties in the mouth don’t do it for me. She could take them out whenever she wants, and that fact alone ruins it for me. But Carson’s hand, intermittently at Joline’s neck, as if she might cut off Joline’s airway at any moment, does do it for me. End scene.
Scene Six – Somewhere, Someone is Having an Orgasm, while Tina spanks and flogs Jae and Joline
Tina caresses Joline’s ass. I love Joline’s hip/ass tattoos. Tina spanks Joline. Jae watches. Tina flogs Joline. Jae watches. Joline loves this. Somewhere, someone is having an orgasm. I can hear it. Tina caresses Jae’s ass, and then flogs her. Soon, Tina is flogging both Jae and Joline, who kneel hands and knees, side by side.
Tina has hit her stride. She loves this. She’s got footwork to go with her flogging, she has style, she’s good at this.
I love the music in this scene.
Scene Seven – “Do you want me inside you?” with Sophia, Carson, Sarah and Puck
This scene is born from an interlude I didn’t tell you about. See? I can be good. Sophia was dared to do something she’s always wanted to do but never done. She has always wanted to be fucked or fuck someone with a strap-on, so here she is, ready to get fucked by Carson, Puck and Sarah.
The music is amazing, heavy, bass driven and Carson is gloved and stroking Sophia. Puck peels off Sophia’s shirt, kisses her and caresses her breasts while Carson continues to stimulate Sophia with her hands. Puck positions himself over Sophia’s face and she fellates his strap-on cock. He has great, dorky suspenders attached to his harness. Dorky harness fashion for the win! Sarah is also wearing a harness, hers with jaunty studded belt, for another bit of fabulous harness fashion.
They all fuck Sophia in turn. I’m fairly sure Sophia came more than once. This is just an all around hot scene with lots of variety and different positions. It ends with Carson finger fucking Sophia and Puck finger fucking Sarah.
Scene Eight – Two Tops in a Tub with Carson and Tina
Carson’s dark hair and black leather jacket is delicious against Tina’s blond hair and white leather jacket. The two make out aggressively in the bathroom, pushing each other against the wall. After seeing each of them top others in other scenes, watching them together pushes all the buttons I have left.
They stumble over to the tub. Carson’s really good at the dirty talk, too. Really good. Carson finger fucks Tina on the edge of the tub until Tina asks to be spanked. Tina is extremely receptive to Carson’s roughness, pushing and spanking. The two end up on the floor of the tub, where Carson uses her hands to get Tina off. Tina is loud, expressive, and extraordinarily hot to watch. Carson really gets into it. Totally hot scene. I’m going to be coming right to this scene sometimes, I can tell you that right now.
Scene Nine – Two Fuck on a Chair While One Shines the Boots with Puck, Joline and Jae
Otherwise entitled, What The Flipping Fuck?
Joline and Puck are making out, getting naked, having fun… and Jae is shining Puck’s shoes. I do not understand this. This doesn’t bode well with me. It’s not hot. Add to this the fact that Jae, shining the shoes, is black and Puck and Joline are white, this just doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe Jae has a shoe fetish… maybe she doesn’t want to get naked yet but still wants to be in the scene… I’m not sure. Jae takes Puck’s shoes off and caresses his feet, which is also strange. It ruins my ability to enjoy the nice little knife-play between Joline and Puck, where Joline traces Puck’s skin with a pocket knife. Additionally, the music is weird, annoying, generic synth and is distracting.
The scene goes on, Puck fucks Joline, and Jae gets naked and masturbates on a chair. I have a strong feeling that if I were invited to an orgy like this, I would probably fuck one person, and spend the rest of the time masturbating in a chair watching the action. I’m just awkward like that. And so, it seems, is Jae.
After Puck and Joline are through fucking, Jae and Joline both work to get Puck off. It’s a threeway, sort of, and while Joline works to get Puck off, Puck’s getting Jae off. You know, actually, I think it just seems that Jae isn’t in a lot of the action because she never really says much. I wish she said more. Also, the way this scene is filmed is just way too close to the genitals. I wish the camera had panned back a distance, it’s too close and it’s not as hot as other scenes. Also, it’s a short scene.
The film ends with everyone coming into the room where the threesome just ended, and they all collapse on the floor. I can’t blame them. They’ve got to be pooped. The music at the end has lyrics that go, “Let’s leave the Sex Club.” First rule of Sex Club? Don’t talk about Sex Club.
I, however, will be talking about this sex club endlessly, to anyone who will listen. Head over to GoodVibes and buy a copy of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Don’t think twice. You won’t be sorry.Similar Posts:
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