How do you know if someone likes you or just likes you as friends? I have a major crush on my BFF but I don’t know if I should act on it, she knows I’m 75% gay. I’m always talking about guys and girls being hot and the weird thing is that she doesn’t find anyone attractive; either she’s asexual or just weird lol. She doesn’t have a boyfriend or like no one, and pretty much just hangs out with me all the time, she tells me every single thing that happened in her day and she texted me something cute and I said wow you’re cute and she’s like you’re pretty cute yourself, and she’s always at my place and helps me clean and offers to cook for me and we just watch TV laying next to each other and I don’t know, what if I do something and I fuck it all up? I don’t wanna ruin our friendship. She’s my best friend but I like her too much… should I just let it go?
From CNN:
Rep. John Murtha of Pennsylvania, a longtime fixture on the House subcommittee that oversees Pentagon spending, died after complications from gallbladder surgery, according to his office. He was 77.
…
Murtha came under fire during the 2008 election campaign for saying that part of his state was a “racist area” where constituents would not vote for Barack Obama because he was black.
He later apologized and said, “While we cannot deny that race is a factor in this election, I believe we've been able to look beyond race these past few months.”
Murtha won 58 percent of the vote in 2008, his last re-election; Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain won the district by less than 1,000 votes.
Now, the media will spend the next few months asking what will, of course, be the only relevant question in a nation with a broken economy, a fake healthcare system and no industrial base: Who will St. Sarah of Wasilla endorse for his seat?
Hot:
Lectori Salutem! or L.S. (Greetings to the Reader!)
Sometimes it’s joked about in the Lesbian community that all we need is our dogs or cats, and a woman just becomes the icing on the cake. Well certainly compared to the heterosexual community, the GLBT community takes pet ownership to a whole new level. This should come as no surprise to anyone. I was really just trying to find some statistics to back up the story I wanted to tell.
83% of lesbians have a pet!!!!! What a shocker!!! And drum roll please…. 60% of lesbians have dogs! To round out the statistics, 61% of gay men have pets and 38% of gay men have dogs. As for cats, there is some overlap with lesbians which of course is too be expected as I know you all know friends who have dogs and a cat or two. So, 28% of gay men have cats and 51% of lesbians of cats. That means only 13% of gay women, according to this study at least, do not own dogs!
OK, OK, now that I have established what I already knew, on to the subject at hand, the immense bond we form with our pets. This bond is universal and open to anyone who gives their dog love and devotion but I am going to focus on the unique bond of a lesbian and her dog, at least from the lesbian’s perspective.
I have countless friends that go to the ends of the earth to spend time with their dog after a bad break up where the dog is collateral damage. The love of a dog is something inexplicable. I still can recall the pain of losing my first dog, Otto, named for the Sarge’s dog in the Beetle Bailey comic strip. That dog raised me from three until I was twenty years old. He took all the tail pulling of a baby girl and the spankings of a girl forcing him to play baby and he did it all so willingly. He was a miracle dog.
He survived a pix ax to the stomach. My dad was trying to kill a rattlesnake in our back yard in La Jolla and Otto ran after the snake because he thought it was going to strike my dad just as the ax came down. He survived a poising in our watermelon patch, same house. My mom put out pesticide to kill the ladybugs that were eating our watermelon leaves and Otto ate and it was off to emergency again. He had many other close calls and ER trips but once I was raised the poor dog hated children and would growl if they came near him. I guess he felt he had done his job with my brother and I but never again!!!!
As an adult I remember it never occurred to me I could have my own dog for a long, long time. I lived in apartments and moved a lot and it just never seemed possible. Then eleven years ago I saw a man with a miniature dachshund and it all clicked. I am stable living wise. I am not moving anymore. He’s the perfect size. I got one within the week. Now, all these years later I have three. One was a foster, 14, one is a champion and a crazy bastard, 3, and then the original who just turned 11.
I am a lesbian dog owner and all that it entails. They have gotten me through more drama, rough patches, depressions, grounded me during the elations, been a source to pick up chicks when need be, (hell, I’m not too proud to admit it), but most of all they are my constant, my truth, waiting, happily always waiting for me to come home and talk, yell, scream, comfort, anything I want or need and they are there.
It is not that these dogs are human as it is one of my pet peeves when someone starts to anthropomorphize a dog. A dog has plenty of great qualities in his own right but he is not a human being! Dogs lick their balls, eat shit and enjoy it, and love with the strength no human could muster even after you’ve yelled at them at the top of your lungs for peeing on the carpet or accidentally breaking a valuable piece of Venetian glass. No human I know or have ever seen reacts like that so just let the animal live its dog life.
Having said that, they are an animal with keen senses and emotional centers and definitely feel when I am sad or sick, happy or mad. Not in ways a human would know and not always quickly but when I come home from the hospital, there is a quiet, they hold it as long as they can so I only have to take them out once or twice a day instead of four times. If I am crying they snuggle in as close to me as they can and the youngest who hasn’t yet learned the etiquette I have taught my older two is wagging his tail with his whole body wriggling in my face, licking my tears so eager to make it all better that he does by making me laugh.
With all these wonderful qualities we share with our animals, we love them as if they were part of us until they are part of us, forgetting we will always outlive them. Then those days come and our worlds crumble from sorrow as we have lost a piece of our soul.
A friend of mine had to let her dog go on Friday and that is what sparked this blog in the first place. Once I started the trip, however, it took me to unopened pockets in my own history that needed some airing out. The past sometimes needs a good dusting off when the memories are lovely to look at and your sense of smell still keen.
I lost a dog way before his time due to my own negligence and his death is still a fresh wound so I’ll share it to help the healing process. I was gone all day shopping and did not put all my medication bottles completely out of his reach. He hadn’t shown an interest in them before, nor did any of the dogs but this day he did and his ate an entire bottle of prescription pain pills. By the time we got back from shopping he was still alive but barely. I called the vet and he said because of his body temperature it was too late to do anything. Just hold him. So I did and he died two and a half hours later.
I am sure everyone who has lost a loving pet knows that feeling of loss. Let’s all just think about St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, for my friend tonight and if your Christian please read the Prayer to The Animals that is in the Quote For The Day.
Much Love.
Inspired By Sappho’s Muse
MUSIC OF THE DAY
Since this is a blog of contemplation on woman’s best friend and the bond that dogs hold in our lives, I am going to pick A Bridge Over Troubled Water as sung by the amazing Charlotte Church. This is one of the most beautiful recordings of this song I have ever heard. The second is a symbol of the friendship we develop with our trusted pets. It’s James Taylor’s You’ve Got A Friend. It is especially poignant in the line “you just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I’ll come running”, because isn’t that exactly what our dogs do? The music can only be heard at the original website.
A Bridge Over Troubled Water Charlotte Church
You’ve Got A Friend James Taylor
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Blessed are you, Lord God, maker of all living creatures. You called forth fish in the sea, birds in the air and animals on the land. You inspired St. Francis to call all of them his brothers and sisters. We ask you to bless this pet. By the power of your love, enable it to live according to your plan. May we always praise you for all your beauty in creation. Blessed are you, Lord our God, in all your creatures! Amen
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In 2009 LGBT people dealt with a tour by intensely homophobic Jamaican reggae dancehall performer Buju Banton, who is most notorious for a song released in 1992 that calls for LGBT people to be shot in the head, shot with an Uzi, have acid thrown on them and to be burned like a tire.
Although the tune, “Boom Bye Bye,” was written more than 20 years ago, Buju Banton never backed away from the Leviticus 20:13 message of the song. He seems to have stopped performing the song around 2004, but continues to rant against LGBT from the stage and to perform other anti LGBT routines.
Starting February 15, 2010 at the”Tribute to the Reggae Legends” festival at the San Diego Sports Arena in San Diego and continuing through the “Caribbean Festival 2010″ at Bayfront Park in Downtown Miami on February 27, 2010, intensely homophobic reggae dancehall performer Capleton is on a tour of the U.S.
Capleton has already had a performance scheduled for February 19, 2010 in Arcata, California canceled.
Mitch Trachtenberg, who runs the Humboldt Against Hate Blog wrote:
“[Capleton] is one of the musicians targeted by the international “Stop Murder Music” campaign for lyrics urging physical violence against gay people.
“Examples of Capleton lyrics include “All boogamen (gays) and sodemites (can refer to gays and lesbians) fi get killed” and “Yow, string dem up and hang dem up alive.” He has continued to sing lyrics encouraging physical violence since promising not to and, I believe, signing the Reggae Compassionate Act. In 2008, his concert in Basel, Switzerland was cancelled as a result of widespread outrage.
Capleton did sign the Reggae Compassionate Act form, promising not to promote hatred and violence in 2007. He violated his agreement before the end of 2007.
To learn more about Capleton and his songs, see the Dancehall Dossier at http://tinyurl.com/2xax3b
Here are the remaining performances scheduled for Capleton's February 2010 tour:
02/15/10 “Tribute to the Reggae Legends” festival at San Diego Sporta Arena in San Diego, California
02/17/10 Downtown Brewing Company, San Luis Obispo, California
02/18/10 Tahoe Biltmore, Crystal Bay, Nevada
02/20/10 “Ragga Muffins Festival,” Fox Theater, Oakland, California
02/21/10 “Ragga Muffins Festival,” Long Beach Arena in Long Beach, California
02/27/10 “Caribbean Festival 2010,” at Bayfront Park, Miami, Florida
We need to have people respectfully contact the venues about this performer.
More than 60 percent of Iowans think gay marriage “does not deserve the Legislature’s limited time” this session, according to the latest poll conducted by Selzer and Associates for the Des Moines Register. The poll surveyed 805 Iowa adults from January 31 to Feburary 3, with a margin of error of plus or minus 3.5 percent.
The question named six issues on which legislation has been introduced during the 2010 session, which has been shortened by 20 days due to budget constraints:
The state Legislature can address large and small issues during the course of the session. For the following issues, please tell me if you think the issue does or does not deserve the Legislature’s limited time. Puppy mills. Gay marriage. Driving and texting. Gun control. Gambling. Payday loans.
62 percent of respondents said gay marriage does not deserve the legislature’s time, while only 36 percent said it does. Here’s hoping this poll will bolster the spine of any wavering statehouse Democrats. Iowa House Republicans are expected to use procedural maneuvers this week to try to force a vote on a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. When they tried that last April, two of the 56 House Democrats joined Republicans on a procedural vote. House Minority leader Kraig Paulsen wasn’t deterred by the latest poll, telling the Des Moines Register,
“The majority party has successfully convinced people that that’s something that takes a lengthy period of time,” Paulsen said. “There’s no reason it should have to take more than 30 minutes.”
Poll respondents presumably know little about how much committee and floor time a marriage vote would consume, but I think Paulsen is missing the point here. Selzer in effect asked Iowans what’s important for the legislature to handle. More than three-fifths of respondents said gay marriage doesn’t rise to that level this session.
Notably, a recent poll commissioned by Republicans also suggests that gay marriage is a low priority for most Iowans. Voter Consumer Research conducted that poll in late January for The Iowa Republican blog and the Concordia Group (a political consulting firm run by Nick Ryan, with ties to the American Future Fund). Respondents were asked which three issues are most important to them: “Forty-one percent said jobs and unemployment, thirty-three said the economy, and twenty-eight percent said education.” Way down the priority list was “moral values” with just 14 percent, Craig Robinson indicated in this comment thread.
Last September, a Selzer poll for the Des Moines Register asked several questions about same-sex marriage. About 41 percent of respondents said they would vote for a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, while 40 percent would vote against such an amendment. In addition, 92 percent of respondents said marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples had led to “no real change” in their own lives.
The conservative GOP base expects Republican legislators to try every trick in the book to bring a marriage vote to the floor. Iowa Democrats should make sure the public knows that while they were focusing on more important issues, Republicans kept trying to waste time on a marriage vote. Based on this polling as well as the results from last year’s special election in Iowa House district 90, I doubt gay marriage will be a winning issue for Republican candidates this November.
Iowa has a lengthy process for amending the constitution. Assuming the state legislature does not pass a marriage amendment this year, the soonest a same-sex marriage ban could appear on a statewide ballot would be 2014 (only if the legislature elected in 2010 passed an amendment in either 2011 or 2012, and the legislature elected in 2012 passed an amendment in 2013 or 2014).
Lesbians! Here’s another excuse to have a party.
There’s an exciting holiday on the 14th of February. Yes, we know, we know, I hear you sigh.
But I’m not talking about Valentine’s day. I know very well about the big V-day when you accidentally laughed at the uber-cute cuddly toy your then-girlfriend got you. She got all watery-eyed, burst into tears, and told you you were selfish and ungrateful. You tried to make it better by teasing her affectionately about her pouty face. I can’t believe you actually followed this up by pinching her cheek. Maybe you thought she would smile shyly, wipe away her tears, and start to laugh at her own over-emotional reaction. Boy, were you wrong.
What followed was a series of unfortunate events, including the incident on the drive home when you’d had enough of her ice-cold silence and told her she was high-maintenance. She got out the car, slammed the door, and you had to follow her for half a mile before she stomped back, got in the passenger seat and slumped down with her arms folded.
Yes, Valentine’s Day is a holiday full of bitterness and regret, heartache and drama. So forget about it. She is not going to melt into you arms lovingly, because she’s still angry that you snapped at her yesterday when she took too long to get ready and you had to hurry because you were meeting someone. Do you need to change your shirt again? You demanded. Why is Crispy suddenly so important that you have to leave this very second? Retorted your beloved. Valentines Day is out, my friends. But all is not lost. Guess what other holiday falls on the 14th of February?
Chinese New Year! It turns out that Chinese New Year is the perfect holiday for lesbians:
On Chinese New Year, married people have to give un-married people Ang Pao’s – gifts of money in red envelopes. This means that you don’t have to get anything for your fussy girlfriend. All you have to do is throw a Chinese New Year party, invite a few married couples (stating clearly on the invitation the custom of giving Ang Pao’s) and you’ll make a sweet profit.
Chinese New Year is all about food. We already know that lesbians- with the exception of Grace Downunder- are excellent chefs. Dumplings are delicious and not to difficult to make. Prepare a CNY feast, with succulent duck, tasty chicken, steamed fish and tender beef; get creative and be the hostess with the mostess.
Wine and beer are also enjoyed over the festive time, and because it’s Chinese New Year, you are drinking to CELEBRATE! Not because you are all single and lonesome.
Gambling is a Chinese New Year favourite. Whip out a pack of cards and play some poker. If your short on cash, make the evening more creative and possibly awkward with a rousing round of Never Have I Ever.
Avoid the pressure and stress that Valentine’s Day brings, and instead celebrate the far more fun and raucous Chinese New Year festival. The object of your affection will swoon at your culinary prowess, whoop for joy when you win $50 off Crispy, laugh heartily as you spill beer down your front, and, unlike last years Valentine’s day, you may get some. Just keep that Chinese character tattoo on your arm covered – what you think says “Power, Strength” actually says “Cosmic, Pig”
Hot:
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. The best thing Valentine’s Day has over Christmas is that it’s a private holiday, so if you have a partner, the gift you give them won’t be opened in front of their sleepy pajama-ed family on Christmas morning. This leaves you room to get them something you’ll both enjoy, if you catch my drift.
It’s a really good idea, and it is increasing in popularity with the struggling economy. Why is that? Because sensual gifts fill many roles all at once. It’s a gift, it’s an invitation to play, it’s a luxury, and you can have fun using it with your partner time and time again, at home, with the lights low (or high!) instead of going out somewhere and spending money for an afternoon/evening/weekend of fun.
SINGLE PEOPLE! Treat yourself this Single’s Awareness Day and have some quality time at home with yourself. You’ll thank you for it!
Tunti Enterprises is promoting a Valentine’s Day gift package sold through the Kama Sutra Closet. Why should you check this out? Well, aside from each gift package featuring the discreet and handy Tunti Illuminating Boudoir Box, which I love, they come pre-stocked with some incredible toys. One of them even features the incredible jimmyjane Form 2, which I covet. Bunny ears with a motor in each? Yes, please. Follow me through the link for details of the available packages and how much you save with each kit! Be sure to read to the end to see how you can win a Tunti Toybox of your very own!
Think you’re too late? Think again. THERE’S STILL TIME!
USPS Priority 2-3 Day Shipping is free with all orders within the U.S.!
Order now to get it in time for Valentine’s Day!
Jimmyjane Starter Kit
Included: Tunti Toybox, Form 2 vibrator from Jimmyjane combined with the Iconic Duckie, Contour I and Beyond massage lotion!
“You can’t go wrong with the Form 2, Jimmyjane’s newest offering. Part of the “Pleasure for the People” collection, this reincarnation of the Rabbit has been a popular pleaser. It’s rechargeable, waterproof and very quiet. Jimmyjane’s Iconic Duckie is a great waterproof bathtub toy, with a wonderful vibration. The Jimmyjane Contour I and Beyond massage lotion is a truly romantic addition to this kit. Increase intimacy through massage… a can’t miss as Valentine’s gifts go!”
Cost: $240
Breakdown:
Tunti: $75 at Kama Sutra Closet, regularly $95
Form 2: $135 from jimmyjane
Iconic Duckie: $25 from jimmyjane
Contour I: $25 from jimmyjane
Beyond Massage Lotion: $24 from jimmyjane
Save $44 on the set!
LELO and Lust Kit
Included: Tunti Toybox, LELO’s Elise vibrator and Lust’s Edible Massage Oil!
“This package gives you one of LELO’s best vibrators, the Elise. Rechargeable, quiet, and splashproof, LELO’s Elise has a dual motor which offers a variety of delicious sensations. Constructed of a smooth medical-grade silicone and a (begging to be touched) silken-coated rigid PC-ABS, Elise was designed to be well in tune with the natural curves of the female body, the stem forms a soft arc for easy access to all those special places. Lust edible massage oil is a wonderful starter for your Valentine’s evening, offering four flavors of delicious and high quality edible, warming massage oil from Lust Cosmetics. Choose from Creamsicle, Cherried Treasure, Hot Caramel, and Watermelon.”
Cost: $225
Breakdown:
Tunti: $75 at Kama Sutra Closet, regularly $95
Elise by LELO: $169 at LELO
Lust Edible Massage Oil: $15 at Lust
Save $34 on the set!
Rabbit Habit and Sliquid Organics Kit
Included: Tunti Toybox, Vibratex Elastomer Rabbit Habit (the original Rabbit as seen on “Sex and the City”) and Sliquid Organics Natural Gel!
“This pairing is the best of both worlds! Vibratex’s Elastomer Rabbit is made of the highest quality Elastomer, and is one of the best Rabbit’s on the market!
Sliquid Organics Silk Gel is a glycerin and paraben free lubricant blended with certified organic botanical extracts that heal and support the body. All Sliquid products are formulated for safety, and will never cause UTI’s or yeast infections.”
Cost: $160
Breakdown:
Tunti: $75 at Kama Sutra Closet, regularly $95
Vibratex Elastomer Rabbit Habit: $90
Sliquid Organics Silk Gel: $15 – $25 (depending on size)
Save at least $20 on the kit!
Looking for another way to get a Tunti Toybox? Check out the blog and enter to win one! Tunti Enterprises gives one Tunti Toybox away in a contest each month! To win this month, you just answer this question in the comments: “Describe the boudoir of your wildest imagination, as if money and the laws of physics were no issue.” Hurry, though, because the winner will be chosen on February 14th! If you don’t win this time around, keep following her blog and try again in March!
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What Would Sappho Say?
Lectori Salutem! or L.S. (Greetings to the Reader!)
As an insomniac, I started staying up later and later at night until it just became a part of my life. Now, even when a get a descent night’s sleep that starts at about 1 AM and goes until 8 AM or so. That said, if I have had a string of late nights and early mornings, I know I should not be operating heavy machinery and that if I produce some writing, some heavy editing will be required later in the day.
The rub of it is, while a night owl, I also am not able to sleep in either. I have animals that wake me up at 6 AM sharp for their feeding and if I happen to fall back asleep after feeding them, they all too eagerly re-awaken me with a thunderous round of three dachshunds barking to go out for their walk. It is usually after this point that I am up for the day. Now, I didn’t say what condition I am in but I am mobile and that first cigarette of the day hits my lungs like the breath of fresh air only another smoker would understand giving me just enough of a kick to push me towards the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face and on a good day apply the golden cream of youth my dermatologist gave me for a skin disorder that actually is now being bartered on the black market because of its profound effects on women’s skin and wrinkles.
Little did I know I had over $1000 worth of hot product just a few feet from me in a drawer that I hardly used. Good Sappho has been kind to me so far and I have not a wrinkle on my face… yet. So, I use these tubes to make my friends happy and try to convince them to stay away from botox for a few more years instead of going down to the plastic surgery area of our town and peddling them out of a big purse. If money gets any tighter, well we’ll see..
Back to the night, there is so much I love about working through the night hours. I live is a busy downtown area during the day but at night the streets run silent. After midnight I can take my dogs out without their leashes on and they behave well enough to know to stay near me, not to run into the road, and they get a little bit of freedom from the daily grind of going in circles, one behind the other.
There is something so peaceful to me in knowing I am one of the few awake as others around me sleep. The homeless that hang on my street know me pretty well after three and a half years, especially as conspicuous as I am with three miniature dachshunds trailing behind but over time we have come to a mutual understanding about asking for money. They know I will help them out, but not too often and only after I get paid. Most of the time it is just a “hi, Miss, how are ya doing tonight?” and I know they have my back out here on the streets.
In the best of this little midnight world is the convenience store that sits right across the street for my 24 hour guilty pleasures. It is not good on my waistline or my pocketbook but it sure makes me happy to know that on a whim I can run across the street and get almost anything I need or want at 2 AM.
Most of my work is done from 9 PM to 2 AM and from 9 AM to 2 PM. Those are my biggest work spurts and that is a strange thing to find in one person. I am the most worthless in the middle of the afternoon and that is when I have to get all of my non-writing related work done like grocery shopping and house cleaning. Let’s just say I grocery shop once every two weeks and try to keep the house clean on a daily basis so there is never that HOUSE CLEANING DAY.
No. This lady lives for the night and I was recently told by an authority figure (not mine, thank Sappho) that those of us that still choose to work at night against the grain of what society does are simply stuck in a childish rebellion. To her I say, “Billy Idol” and for those of you who don’t get the reference it is one of the songs of the day. Listen to it and you will understand.
I am certainly not trying to buck society, I live in society, I am trying to write to society… I JUST DON’T GET MUCH SLEEP! I write when the muse inspires me and sometimes even when she doesn’t so I can learn how to grow s a writer.
I know plenty of people who live under the night sky for their job, or because of insomnia issues and creativity issues like me, and some just by choice and I don’t think any of the ones I know are still trying to hold on to that old idea of rebelling against something or someone as an attention seeking mechanism.
WE JUST ARE THE NIGHT.
Much Love.
Inspired By Sappho’s Muse
QUOTE OF THE DAY
A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
Oscar Wilde
Night brings our troubles to the light, rather than banishes them.
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I’m kind of new to this and I don’t really know what to say. I guess what I really want is someone to talk to who could understand what I’m going through. I don’t feel comfortable to talk about this with my friends. Though I know they will love me no matter what. I know they won’t truly understand. I’m not looking for anything “sexual” I guess. Just a person to talk to. I won’t say I’m confused. I know how I feel and that it’s completely normal. But with no one to talk about it with it just gets to me more than it should. So yeah to “sum up” I guess I’m just asking for someone who wouldn’t mind “chatting” with me sometime. God that sounds depressing but yeah. – ^_^ Post your AIM or email.
I’m very pleased today to bring you a guest post by Lori Hahn, who has blogged at Hahn at Home for several years, and is now also a co-editor of the new GLBT blog Our Big Gayborhood.
Lori writes below of teen sexuality—an area in which I have no expertise as a parent. I’m grateful for hers.
I’ve marveled over the past few years as I grew my three beautiful, loving, delightful multi-racial adopted kids through their junior high years and then high school years, where one is gone and two are closing in on that mortarboard and tassel. Always knowing in my logical mind that sex and sexuality are part and parcel of parenting at this tumultuous age and there would be no denying it despite my desire at times curl into a fetal ball and wish it all away.
My reticence in this regard had to be overcome. Kids need to be told the hard truths over and over about the potential consequences of sex. A single misstep on their part could be the difference between a sexually transmitted disease for which there is yet no cure or an adjustment to their entire life’s plan if they end up parenting too early. And sadly, the same myths that were told in my day are still passed along as fact today.
Yet, it’s the other side of sex—the emotional side to that first sexual experience—that must be held up as something to give to themselves and their partner with love, respect and trust. But, it all unfolds for each of them uniquely, a passage through which there is no return and by which they will never be the same.
Some people have criticized me for my blunt talk with my kids about sex. Afraid that by merely mentioning it, I am encouraging it. But that is not true. Straight-talk only arms them with information. I’m sure most of us remember that regardless of what level of openness our parents discussed sex, it is a very, very rare parent who knows when their child does have sex the first time. The decision to become sexually active will always ultimately be theirs alone.
My second son received something in his stocking this Christmas because a mother’s Spidey Senses tingle when there are covert signs that something is brewing and if not imminent, potentially on the horizon. It was a pack of condoms. Not new in the house, they have been housed in various strategic locations for some time as part of some previous conversation. He quietly and unobtrusively slid them back into his stocking and said nothing, but the message from me to him was clear. A few days later we had another talk. One which he was quick to remind me we’d had many times before and one for which I reminded him I would be bringing up again and again as long as he is my child.
It happens overnight—they walk, learn to ride their bicycle, drive a car and before you know it they are on their own life’s adventure. I want all three of their lives to be as full and rich and healthy and long-lasting as they can be. A few words, spoken openly and with love might help make the difference.
Resources for talking to your teen about sex can be found here: Teen Sex
Lori Hahn is co-editor of the GLBT blog Our Big Gayborhood and writes about parenting and living life as a lesbian at Hahn at Home.